My unfavorite Slingaaa

(Karthik Narayan)

Don’t ponder too much about the title – am not vying for the most-badly-spelt position.

Malinga the Slinga (slinger) is most definitely not my favorite bowler, first of all I don’t fancy his bowling action,

And if I were to be a doctor, I would prescribe my patients to watch his “hair” on screen if they had stomach aches. You would puke your problems out instantly!

Anyway he has done himself a bit of cricketing history – four wickets in 4 consecutive balls in a crunch match against the Proteas makes him the first to do so. The previous best was that special offie Saqqy (as Moin Khan would exclaim) with 4 wickets in 5 balls. In first class matches though, the record is 5 wickets off 6 balls by Shaun Pollock (Wanna-be-statisticians out there may correct me if I am wrong) for a county side in 1995-96 in his debut season I think!

Congrats to Malinga on his feat, and happy saying goodbye to your digestion problems – try my prescription. Trust me it worked for me!

what's in store for Indian cricket

(Karthik Narayan)

What an empty way to begin a write up!! Yes, Indian cricket is empty, the hopes are full but hearts are drooped; Moneybags are full but eyes are pooped.

It is not about the way cricket is being played or the money made by and through Indian cricket. It is about the way in which cricket takes a back seat.

Forget the public, the specators who pay more money than what an average indian earns in 5 days (a match ticket costs at least Rs.250 for an ODI; Ok maybe even more). At least they get fun, its like watching a movie. Now that they have murder mysteries to check out, cricket is indeed a play-act game out there.

They act, we pay, they get money, they are happy.

Money seems to be all pervading - filling all the voids of mankind - including a sport like cricket. A well organized cricket match also seems to be a well planned money spinner. Is that a coincidence? Only time can tell.

Excitement lies in playing the game, watching the cricketers bedecked in their dirty socks and muddy trousers rather than looking at them in fine suits attending press conferences and endorsing cola brands and cool clothing at the same time.

But hey, this is Indian cricket, remember? It reminds me of a proverb that was taught to all of us in our early stages – an empty mind is a devil’s workshop! I only have one sentence to add to it – “May the Devil be worshipped, or thy perish”.

(I know you can work that one out for yourself - who the devil is, and who worships who...)

surprises in indian cricket

(Karthik Narayan)

There have been surprises in Indian cricket

An Indian fast bowler in Zaheer Khan and Irfan Pathan was a great surprise in a country which hasn’t had a good fast bowler since Kapil Dev. An all rounder in Robin Singh was just as well, though we misused him. Like wise will be a spinner in the days to come. Anyway Indian cricket has met his end, so no worries on that front.

presentin - your DJ's for today - the Indian cricket team

(Karthik Narayan)

After reading Rahul Dravid's press conference (of course I mean that sob story on losing the match v Sri Lanka!!), I told myself... what if there was a song for the Indian team right now...

Then I remembered the classic - Blue - One love. Picture this.. the men in blue singing "blue" to put away the blues... perfect huh?

ok here goes a part of this song.. Of course I have made some adjustments in the lyrics to fit the occasion.

"It's kinda funny
How life can change
Can flip 180 in a matta of days

Sometimes life works in
Mysterious ways
One day you wake up
Gone without a trace

I refuse to give up
I refuse to give in
Adverts are my everything
I don't wanna give up
I don't wanna give in
So everybody sing

One kick for the mothers pride
One kick for the times we tried
One kick gotta stay alive... I will survive

One kick for the city streets
One kick for the ads we did
Oh I do believe
One kick is all we need"

Psst, Rahul, share this song with Inzy will you?

crispy bytes

(Karthik Narayan)

I looked up to see the cloudy skies, and I wasn’t just staring at the stars; I was staring at this fact: “you can fix cricket matches but you can never fix nature.” Howzzat!!

* * * *


There was this tourist guide who was taking some tourists around, who soon realised they had got lost! They tried calling people, sending smses, emails… but nothing helped. Till the guide found an Indian cricketer loitering around. He cried happily, "Problem solved -these Indian cricketers know their way around – coz’ they spend most of their time touring rather than playing"


* * * *

the day when Sri Lanka saved me from math

(Karthik Narayan)

It happened everywhere - all around me I saw people discussing the pitiful condition India was in. In order to qualify for the Super 8's India had to win, win with a big margin. Then hope Bangladesh didn’t win by a big margin, as also hope Sri Lanka would defeat Bangladesh.

All along keeping an eye on the calculator, punching in complex equations and penciling it all down over by over... ahhh it was getting to me. I have never fancied my math and was worried a bit here that I would have to sit and listen to all of them. Even worse, I got an email from one of my friends where he had analysed that for each run that our opponents got, how we needed to react! Now puhleez, that's too much for my head and it as always, went overboard. Now I am afraid I may have to join them...

But hey - thanks to Sri Lanka winning against Bangladesh by 198 runs, that simplifies the equation to one line (and no math!) - India has to win against Sri Lanka, that’s it. If at all Bangladesh dream to qualify, they have to win by a big margin (bigger than what India did to Bermuda, which is quite unlikely).

But anyway, thanks a lot, dear Sri Lankans.

Today I may have been saved, but good ol' math looks up at me to say - "you may run, but you cannot hide".

No world cup India-Paki encounter for the first time IN 15 years

(Karthik Narayan)

One weekend can change lives – this World Cup saw that horrifying fluctuations of the wrong kind. First Pakistan got knocked out, the next day Bob Woolmer was found dead. Worst of all, Inzamam retired from ODI cricket.

That significantly also means one more thing – there wont be an India-Pakistan world cup match for the first time since their encounter began in 1992 in Australia. India have never been beaten by Pakistan in any of the 4 world cup matches between them (1992, 1996, 1999 and 2003).

In the first edition, Pakistan brushed aside the loss against India to romp and win the Cup (Imran Khan led them admirably). The Indians halted Pakistan in the second edition, in a cliffhanger at Bangalore in the quarterfinal. Of course, India miserably configured their batting prowess against Sri Lanka is a sad Indian tale to go with some others.

In 1999 again, Pakistan had a double blow with losses against both India and Bangladesh, the latter was considered to be the Giant-killer of the cup. The Bangladeshis had done to Pakistan what Kenya had done to WI in 1996.

The year 2003 was special to the Guru and his protégé – Sachin and Sehwag. Both pulverized the Pakistani bowling. More than saying the scorecard looked good, the match can be summed up as:

Akhtar – Sachin/ Sehwag – twin terror – slash and slash hard – third man boundary sixers – fans delightfully howling in the stands. Akhtar looks up at the sky goes ^$%%^@#


It is very disappointing that there won’t be an India-Pakistan match this time around, but I guess there are more challenges ahead for Pakistan to face now – their fans and countrymen as they return home. Good luck, fellas!

INDIA VS BERMUDA, MARCH 19, 2007 – PART II

(Karthik Narayan)

The match report was simple folks – India shining sums up the headlines.

Sehwag fired, Ganguly hung around for a while and then joined the onslaught, Yuvraj hammered every bowler for some cleanly struck sixes and Sachin Tendulkar joined the fray and made himself one of the quickest 50’s of his career.

When India had scored 413 and asked its bowlers to bowl Bermuda out for a victory margin of 250 runs or more, it was obvious that all the bowlers would be grinning with solid white teeth. No prizes for guessing who made them brush their teeth. Thanks to maybe the fear of the Indian cricketers’ houses being torn down.

Ok India had won their first game of this edition of the world cup! And by a good margin too – 257 runs!

Phew, but spoken too soon! There’s plenty more to look forward to – take the calculators out, keep guessing who will make it to the Super 8’s. Your good is just as good as mine, and don’t place your bets on this one. It’s too tight to fit anybody’s pants.

INDIA VS BERMUDA, MARCH 19, 2007 - part one

(Karthik Narayan)

India vs Bermuda would be a match you would normally just brush aside – who would want to watch a match of insignificance. India would have rested their best for the rest of the series, but hey! This is the cricket world cup and India is in trouble having played just one match. So what is new??

Remember the 2003 edition? India played their first match against Holland and didn’t particularly make any Indian mom proud with their heavy weather batting and sloppy fielding. And got drubbed by the mighty Aussies with a paltry score that makes my monthly movie allowance seem rather high.

Of course TIA – This Is India. Here we have freedom to choose our paths to winning and losing. Invariably we love the latter because it makes us “stronger” to face the Do or Die matches.

After all, we are only following Bapuji’s Do or die approach. Wow talk about “lage raho Munnabhai” working wonders here!

Ok just doing the match report here –

Jones joins a select few to have got a wicket off their first balls in an ODI and it narrows down further for a world cup match. For all quizzers out there like me – the wicket was Robin Uthappa.

I didn’t mug up the Bermuda team names like someone preparing for their board exams or anything – but I found one interesting name in the squad. The opening bowler – Hurdle. Now his name is totally misleading, because there is absolutely no hurdle in his bowling run-up, action and release.

Hmmm India had to score big – now that they are batting first. So what do you reckon might be a good score. My friends had this to say – 450, 500, 350… so who would score I asked… it turned out sehwag never featured in any of their claims for scores.

And to think he seems to be the one who’s making the most of this bowling attack with crisp clean strokes. This is worth watching folks!

WOOLY MAMMOTH-ED

(Karthik Narayan)

I can’t believe this – Bob Woolmer is dead. Poof!

What do you think the “mysterious” reason for his death? Do you think its because Pakistan lost and got knocked out of the World Cup?

I made my own investigations and I really think it should be only one of the following reasons:

1 – He found a nut that the squirrel (of the “Ice age” movie fame) was chasing all along and it gave him a big fight and in the end a karate chop took care of him

2 – He found a dead rat and beside it an used sock of the Pakistan cricket team and whacked his brains figuring out which smelt worse.

3 – Someone stole his notebook (Laptop) while he was trying to figure out from which angle he should make the plane back home fly and it fell down in the restroom. He couldn’t overcome his grief and…

4 – Someone from Kanpur called him on his cell phone and sounded like a Saas-bahu serial with their sob story on how India lost to Bangladesh at the same time

Ok, which one did you fit in?

Jokes apart, I really love Woolmer for his coaching and his open hearted ways of working with the team – be it South Africa or Pakistan. And mind you, its not easy coaching India or Pakistan, what with the egotism all around, the “stars” and too much talent wasted under politics. I really admire him for taking up a job that makes a bomb squad member’s job seem relaxing!

May your armour shine to glory in Heaven, Bob. This one is from the heart, soldier.

Ind V Bangladesh, World cup 2007

(Karthik Narayan)

No, I am not here to do the match report or something. I just wanted to pass comments just like the billion others out there waiting to be heard.

I would not dismiss this as a David Vs Goliath match at any cost, because of a simple reason. I just could not identify if there was a David or a Goliath. Bangladesh may not be a team with big names like Sachin Tendulkar, Dravid and Ganguly who combined together have played more matches and scores more runs than the entire Australian team or the entire South African team, but they certainly do have names on their shirts and hearts on their collars, sleeves, jerseys to put up brave fights.

Don’t push aside their freak wins in the 1999 world cup against Pakistan and recently against Australia for nothing. That carries a meaning to a team that didn’t know the meaning of “victory”.

So what is the secret of this energy? Did they all sit and watch the TV Series “LOST” and realized they were at least better losers and thus found the way to make themselves be zoomed into cricket again?

Anyway the point of all this ranting is – the match was not a midget against a giant. The so-called giants killed their own egos after this match and ate humble pie.

One opinion that I heard on TV said it all – if this team doesn’t figure out their game even after so much of practice, hype and hoopla, then I went searching for the ideal game for these heroes. And that also involved a round object like a ball, though a little smaller. It would be perfect for such players of immaculate skills – and its called “goli”/ “goti”/ round marbles!!

high pitch yet no sound!!

(Karthik Narayan)

I rushed home not entirely to watch a world cup opening match between WI and Pakistan but to get a slice of silence at home.

But when I did turn on the tv after the toss, I could clearly hear the crowd, the batsmen tapping their bats trying their hands at gardening a dry pitch and the fielders calling out to each other.

What my ears were pricked up for never came though - the commentary!!

For even a local match, I have heard TV commentary. But for the first 10 minutes or so of this match, there was absolute silence.. all the english commentators on Sony Max were behind the breakfast table instead of being behind the mike...

for heaven's sake its a world cup match!! if this is going to be the way it shall be, Hindi commentary sounds heavenly to my ears...

Sony, are you listening? I want my Deano, Boycott... whoever.. Else i will boycott watching the match :)